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Thinking of joining a folk group, consider the following: Would you like to be part of an international organisation with cells operating in far away, foreign places such as Finland and West Cork? The folk group is a truly global organization and plans to expand into China with the missionary visit there by Mark. What we are trying to say is 'split a piece of wood and we are there, lift up a stone and we are under it', the wind and the 'rhythm of the falling rain' are but our voices. (We once ran a competition for the worst lyrics and quotes ever written. Some of the winning entries are encoded into this article.)
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What we are looking for: Sporadic fits of random singing recommended but not required. If you scream every time you see a 13m tall spider wearing a green jumper, this counts as a sporadic fit of random singing. Our original requirement was that you had to have sang in the shower, but because of the high demand for the limited number of places imposed by the size of the stadium where we practice, we now feel that people should pay me personally a nominal fee of E1,000,000 for the privilege of being allowed to join and the singing thing can be overlooked. The money will be allocated to the 'Sponsor a Former Taoiseach in his hour of greatest Misery' fund.
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An apathetic view of college is considered a distinct advantage. It was said in the early nineties that all we needed for England to become a banana republic was a tropical climate. If you see UCL as a banana university, we'd like to hear your story and sell it to Sky news or failing that the information channel. Money gathered in this way will be used to assassinate defunct lecturers, overcome world poverty and buy Bill Gates' share of Microsoft. All left over money will go to the 'London - Angela's Ashes and other depressing details' tourism fund.
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In summary what we need is: An inability to write in a logical, coherent and concise manner. A more positive view of London than that created by Angela's Ashes. A less positive view of America than that created by Angela's Ashes. A personality more brilliant than the UCL homepage.
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What we do for you: You get to witness random patterns of organization in the chaos achieved by the German efficiency of our chairperson. If we can only reach you, if we can only make you smile, that would really be a breakthrough. (It hasn't happened yet though.)
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Signing bonus: A guaranteed supply of biscuits with an unlimited supply of tea and coffee (Terms and conditions apply - offer not available to current members or their families). It has been noted that the supply of biscuits has not increased in proportion to the exponential growth in the size of the organization. For this reason the more sinister elements (you know who you are) have plotted to reduce the size of the group with the objective of increasing the number of biscuits per capita. One particular individual even went so far as to say - I want to be the only one left so that I get all the biscuits for myself. The issue is currently under internal investigation.
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I bet you really feel welcome now, don't you?
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About the Folk Band
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Back when U2 were still producing great music, when pints in London cost what they do now in the rest of the country, when England's climate was similar to that of Jamaica, when student services was an efficient organisation, around the time Belinda Carlisle was singing 'Heaven is place on earth' (but I don't think she meant Londa'h) there began in a not so far away land the organization which is now known internationally as the UCL Folk Group.
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The group consists of 'shiny happy people laughing' and occasionally singing. About 40% of the folk group is foreign and we even have a guy from Suffolk. Members of the group have been known on occasions to play musical instruments, eat, drink (and be merry) and go on mad weekend trips away to a place were drink is served until 4am.
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Folk dancing is not our forte at present but the economic potential of such activities (as demonstrated by Riverdance) has caused us to view it as an area of possible diversification - we'd be more into singing and liturgical (as opposed to lethargic) dancing.
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Thursday night's practice is usually followed by a session (which for you sarcastic individuals does not involve the rosary). We do however play at 7:30pm Mass on Sunday. Despite this, the group is not a religious society, and we don't force you to attend Mass. This is necessary in order to secure S.U. cash for the Thursday night fund.
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Many such sessions involve groovy guitar solo performances. Copious quantities of mad mysterious musicians have been influenced by the ambience emanating from the symphonic sounds of these singers. Several senseless singing sessions have been had. Musical minds in countless countries have quietly contemplated conscious chanting (especially at Christmas?)
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Someone said 'try everything once except folk dancing and suicide'. We say 'try everything except suicide (and addictive drugs - 'cos the drugs don't work) and if you like it keep on doing it'
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New members are always welcome. However, if this is not what you're looking for, the show will go on, with or without you. No matter what they say, if it's at all possible, we will Rock you, and either way we hope you have the time of your life.
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